Thursday, October 11, 2007

Dyck's Dream Home!

*cue angelic symphony of music*

For the man who loves all things "poop", I'd imagine getting to own this house would be the equivalent of receiving 72 virgins for the low-low price of blowing yourself up while standing next to a pack of infidels. Better even than taking a dump in Lowe’s without bothering to find an actual bathroom.

The story behind this palpable panegyric to the potty is enough to press even the most pristine person to the point of near-plethoric peculiarities in their otherwise poised personality. In part...
SIM Jae-Duck was born in a toilet and now he plans to live and die in one - a $US1.6 million ($1.8m) toilet-shaped house designed to promote his tireless campaign for cleaner loos worldwide.

er...he does realize the PURPOSE of these loos right? Regardless you've gotta hand it to the guy for embracing the sobering facts surrounding his birth. His mom thought he was a turd. But does he let that get him down? NO! That's the power of positive thinking folks.

Before he moves in, anyone who is flush with funds can rent it for $US50,000 a day - with proceeds going to his campaign to provide poor countries with proper sanitary facilities.
Get your credit card out Dyck! This is not only the trip of a lifetime, it's your chance to enable those less fortunate to poop somewhere besides the ditch that just so happens to lead to the village's supply of drinking and bathing water. A total win-win! Operators are standing by.....

"A showcase bathroom screened by a glass wall is located in its centre, while other toilets have elegant fittings or water conservation devices,'' Mr Sim said.

Oooo fancy! Don't know how I feel about the "glass wall" enclosure just yet. I'll need to study my poop face and get back to you.

The showcase loo will feature a device producing a mist to make users feel secure. An electronic sensor will raise the lid automatically when people enter, and there will also be music for patrons.

"secure user mist"? ....the fuck's that? I'm thinking they spray you down with some toxic nerve agent that loosens your bowels for you. That's hella nice since it means less straining for those of us who just can't seem to say "no" to carbs. Now, I'll admit to being slightly concerned about any potential long-term effects of this sort of biological laxative. Like....will I grow gills, how many heads will my future children have, if they have more than two can I get some sort of government subsidy to help me feed those superfluous mouths? You know, normal stuff. These things will clearly need to be sorted out ahead of time. But overall, it definitely has that "feel good" marketing vibe about it.

The house, complete with a stream and small garden in front, is named Haewoojae, meaning "a place of sanctuary where one can solve one's worries''.

Two things: why not just poop in the garden? It's fertilizer right? And, "haewoojae" is also the sound you make while evacuating the contents of your basement storage area after downing two Indian Tacos at the county fair.




moving on....

Mr Sim's campaign began during his term as Suweon mayor from 1995 to 2002. His drive to transform toilets into "clean and beautiful resting places imbued with culture'' earned him the nickname "Mayor Toilet''.

Oh now that sounds fun. Picking Mayor Mud Pie.

"Elect Mayor Mud Pie: The Elimination Enforcer"

"What's In YOUR Bum?"

His achievements prompted Mr Sim to launch the Korea Toilet Association in 1999, in time for South Korea's co-hosting with Japan of the football World Cup three years later. Then he decided to take his clean toilets drive worldwide. The proposed World Toilet Association might be seen to rival squeaky-clean Singapore, where the World Toilet Organisation is based, but Sim has said the work of the two bodies will not overlap.

There's just something about the use of the word "toilet" with the idea of two bodies overlapping that makes me uneasy.

"Toilets were once regarded as stinking and dirty places. Not any more. They must be treated as the sanctuary that protects human health,'' Mr Sim said.

I think our attitude surrounding toilets being "stinking, dirty places" has strong roots in the fact that our asses are really stinky, dirty places. The poor toilets are merely guilty by association.

Plus, here I thought that Dyck's obsessive interest in poop and the hole from which it comes was just a ploy to get him some action from the ladies. Now I see he's simply ahead of his time (I said "head"....heh.) and living in a society that sees the shitter as "that place of necessity" that routinely (if you get enough fiber anyway) interrupts our lunch-time afterglow. I see things so much more clearly now......

I always learn so much from that Dyck!

p.s. look at that picture of the house again. It has railing around the entire top portion, the "lid" if you will. Is that for gazing at asteroids? potty parties? checking out your neighbors moon? I suppose that's entirely irrelevant and not at all my point. I can totally see them making a cruise ship that looks like that some day though. Look again, I know you can see it! What would you call a cruise ship shaped like a toilet? The Floater.....The Porcelain Princess? Hmmmmmmm......


Effortlessly Average said...


And where's it located? "blowme?"

Since the place is a toilet... and you'd be inside (if you pony up the 50 large to stay there for a night)... does that mean that for $50,000 you can know what it feels like to be a turd? Maybe the mist is a symbolic flush!

Patti said...

symbolic flushing does nothing for the stench...just FYI. My kids always try to get away with that shit too "But mo-o-o-m I metaphorically flushed...doesn't that count"


I'm paraphrasing of course....

Mighty Dyckerson said...

First, I'm glad to see you obsessing over me rather than the crazy babbler!

As for the mist, I suspect it's some sort of low pressure bidet-like that's mysteriously absent from the pricey Presley.

I wonder if I could clog a toilet/house that large?? The plunger would have to be ginormous...

Patti said...

It's Korea Dyck...they don't plunge anything, they just drop a bomb on your ass and rebuild. Of course, they might just take you out and shoot you in the face. They do seem to take their toilets seriously.