Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Apparently, I've got a Dyck up my ass...

that line alone should guarantee me at least two more new hits this week. Well, that and this:


But moving on...

My last blog post had one pathetic comment. Nevermind that my last blog was last month or anything. How often I write and about what is nobody's goddamned business but my own. Well, mine and the Federal Government's Homeland Security division (HEY GUYS!!!*waving*). But Dyck was the only one to comment and it was totally beyond rude:

Mighty Dyckerson said...
Oh, so now that she's had a baby (again), Ms. Babble gets all the attention??! What do I have to do to get some respect around here, pass a stone??!
August 30, 2007 10:44 PM
naturally, in my head it translated to:

MightyDyckerson said...
WAH! I'm a baby (again), Ms. Babble gets all the attention??! Have raunchy online fetish sex with me or I'll pass a stone??!
August 30, 2007 10:44 PM
Clearly this is not acceptable nor is it the type of readership I was promised in my pact with the Devil. Note to self: check fine print on all legal documents when dealing with the underworld.

Moving on.... I know I've been giving Karla most of my attention since....well, since I reached the height of my tolerance for boredom at work and, finding all good porn blocked, decided to surf for crazies. I'm trying to be honest here people (person?), work with me. I found her almost instantly and was hooked. She's my Blogger equivalent of say black-tar heroine or watching gorillas felate each other at the zoo. Now I realize that this type of unwanted and unrequited behavior could be considered by outsiders as stalking and something most healthy people in today's society don't ordinarily compete for . But, one might obviously point to the fact that, like me, she tends toward breeding (though she's not quite as prolific as I have been...yet). But I think it takes more than passing a writhing mass of sexual bi-product through one's naughty hole to bring two people together. Shocking, I know.

No, I think it's because I can identify with her lifestyle. I too used to mainline toilet bowl cleaner and freebase bird seed. I also have often had random sex with the baggers at the Piggly Wiggly and frequently get arrested for molesting mannequins at Macy's. I get it! More importantly, I get her.

But this Dyck fella.....he's got me all stressed about my target audience. More importantly the fact that I don't have one outside of "HER". Saying it like that makes it sound creepy so let me back up and just take that bit back...mmmmkay? What I'm trying to say is I don't need the stress. Not in my line of work anyway. One wrong move and people die! I don't think Dyck understands that. Perhaps what he does isn't as important to the stability of social order the way mine so clearly is. I understand how easily some people slip into the comfort of their own pseudo self-importance, though I've never had that problem. But the cold hard truth is that eventually, in everyone's life, reality comes nigger-knocking at some point. And it's up to you to decide whether you step on the flaming bag of poo that's left behind or.....

WAIT....where the fuck are you going?

You were reading then you got this strange look on your face and just ....left.

Was it something I said?