Monday, January 21, 2008

Useless Information

I'm not sure why I know this stuff. Perhaps it's because I've spent the past 8 years laboring away at a job that isn't the least bit stimulating and whose requirements seldom exceed the basics of being alive and breathing in order to complete. Or it could be that I am an amazing multitasker with a keen intellect whose problem solving abilities are rivaled only by my dynamic personality and ability to foresee and forestall any and all obstacles.

I'm leaning a bit toward the lack of stimulation personally, but I'll leave you with your own opinions.

Regardless of the are just a few of the things I know:

- A starfish eats by turning it's stomach inside out and effectively capturing it's prey before it reels them back in to digest. Yum.

- Argon gas is used to fill the inside of incandescent light bulbs and is the third most common gas in our atmosphere. The first is of course Dyck's incessant blatherings with oxygen following close behind.

- Button Gwinnett is the second signer on the Declaration of Independence. His signature is also the most valuable as he was killed in a duel a mere 9 months after adding his name to the final document leaving less than 50 samples of his signature to history.

- Ceres is the largest known asteroid.

- An Isohyet is a line on a map that joins two areas of equal rainfall.

- The infamously top-heavy Barbie doll actually has a middle and last name. It's Barbie Millicent Roberts and she'll be 49 this year.

- The biggest pyramid in the world is actually in Mexico and not Egypt.

- But speaking of Egypt, dead Egyptian women were left in the sun for 3 days before being embalmed so that their embalmers wouldn't find them attractive. Sexy!

- You could fill 2 average sized pools with the saliva you produce in a lifetime. Just one more reason I hate you.

- And speaking of hating takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip off a human ear.

- OH! A group of Crows is called a murder. (Entirely unrelated to my hating you I promise.)

- Coconuts kill more people than sharks do. (again a coincidence with the death thing)

- A pig orgasm lasts for 30 minutes! (see I've moved on to more pleasant things)

- An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain which leads me to believe the internets is primarily contributed to by these enormous and, judging by the sheer volume of websites devoted to porn...exceedingly horny beasts. I bet the pigs just love it though.

- Bulls are not attracted to the color red. They are however attracted to the movement of men in tight pants.

I know all of this and SO MUCH MORE.....and yet I can't remember to charge my cell phone at night not to mention forgetting the name of the new guy here at work even though he started more than 2 months ago!

Richard? Bob? Leeroy?


Oh well. At least I know that a crocodile can't move it's tongue because it's attached to the roof of it's mouth and that a jiffy is an actual measure of time (it's 1/60 of a second). See why I drink?


Effortlessly Average said...

"Ceres is the largest known asteroid."

Beg pardon, but that's not true anymore; not since that stone I passed from my colon last week. It's not called an ass-teroid for nothin'. takes 7 pounds of pressure to rip off a human ear."

Good to know, but how much alcohol does it take to get a woman to rip off her underwear?

Mighty Dyckerson said...

Excuse me??!

Diva said...

Barbie has always been, and remains today, a total slut.

I love this post. I plan to play trivia with my kids tonight just to drive them totally nuts!

elizadoohicky said...

you crack my shit up...

to put it crassly and sort of "pre-coffee half-assedly"

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