Wednesday, January 9, 2008

Seems like only yesterday

My last post was mid-October.

I'm not one of those people who feels compelled to come back with tales of how my kids' holiday activities exhausted my every available resource or how my obligatory family visits caused me to drink myself into oblivion just to stay sane. And I certainly don't highlight these truths as my reason for not posting. Hell no! I'm a real woman about it. I don't mind telling you the truth. I have nothing to hide!


I was abducted by aliens.

A graphic and much more disturbing story will be coming soon but for now just know that while the abduction only lasted a hot second I'm here to tell you that the itching, burning and subsequent sloughing will follow me the rest of my life, or so the scientists tell me. Seriously, I've spent the last two months in quarantine as the government tried to figure out whether the green scales on my naughty bits were contagious or not. Then when those fell off and were replaced by a strange sulphuric odor and hives in the shape of a five-pointed star...I was told it was most likely demonic possession and I should just go home and wait for their priest. That was right after Christmas and I haven't seen a single man-of-the-cloth since (unless you count the stripper dressed like Tarzan....but he was more a "man-of-the-loin-cloth"...HA!).

Needless to say, these are very trying and difficult times. And unlike that time I contracted nasal herpes, is also completely out of my control.

So....what's the verdict? Am I forgiven yet?


Effortlessly Average said...

Huh. Go figure. And I never even knew Dyck was into the whole area 51 stuff, although I'm sure he's an old hat at anal probes. heheh.

Nasal herpes? Then I guess you should stop sticking your nose in other people's darker nether-regions!

And I don't care if you don't blog; just keep visiting mine. hahahahahahaha.

Patti said...

anyone ever tell you that you have the manners of an escaped mental patient? no? Well YOU DO!

Where's the sympathy....compassion....or even a few lines practically dripping with forced sexual tension?

I'm hurt. And PMS'ing.

Effortlessly Average said...

I've been stung! I've been accused of many things, but geez, the manners of an escaped mental patient? Don't be absurd; I don't need to escape the mental ward to have bad manners.

But! I'm also capable of deep sympathy and compassion, so in that vein: "I'm sorry you were anally probed by little green men. I'm sure it couldn't have felt very good for very long."

Seriously though, I do hope everything's been ok for you. I've been wondering what's happened to you to keep you away so long.

And my sexual tension is never forced. Lately it's right out there in the open. heh.