My last post was mid-October.
I'm not one of those people who feels compelled to come back with tales of how my kids' holiday activities exhausted my every available resource or how my obligatory family visits caused me to drink myself into oblivion just to stay sane. And I certainly don't highlight these truths as my reason for not posting. Hell no! I'm a real woman about it. I don't mind telling you the truth. I have nothing to hide!
I was abducted by aliens.
A graphic and much more disturbing story will be coming soon but for now just know that while the abduction only lasted a hot second I'm here to tell you that the itching, burning and subsequent sloughing will follow me the rest of my life, or so the scientists tell me. Seriously, I've spent the last two months in quarantine as the government tried to figure out whether the green scales on my naughty bits were contagious or not. Then when those fell off and were replaced by a strange sulphuric odor and hives in the shape of a five-pointed star...I was told it was most likely demonic possession and I should just go home and wait for their priest. That was right after Christmas and I haven't seen a single man-of-the-cloth since (unless you count the stripper dressed like Tarzan....but he was more a "man-of-the-loin-cloth"...HA!).
Needless to say, these are very trying and difficult times. And unlike that time I contracted nasal herpes, is also completely out of my control.
So....what's the verdict? Am I forgiven yet?